The necessity of suffering

Now that we have covered love, lets talk about pain. I see you cringing already.

People spend a lot of energy in avoidance of suffering. When we cannot we often make it worse with obsessive self pity. We spend our lives hiding our talents and wishes and true selves for fear of the pain of rejection. We refrain from taking adventures we dream of for fear of dangers on the journey. We avoid love and intimacy for fear of its loss. We spend huge amounts of money on pain relief medication. Understandably so, pain sucks.

What I noticed most about that paragraph was how much fear has to do with it. I think in many cases the pain is actually easier to cope with than the fear of more. Regardless, no matter how we avoid it, and work to find ever more elaborate ways to prevent it, suffering is a fact of life. When everything is perfect, there is always some little thing lying in wait to hurt you.

I cannot think of one aspect of human civilization that did not arise from the desire to decrease pain and suffering, or at least make sense of it. Religion, art, architecture, agriculture, politics, etc.

This has led me to the conclusion that pain is not only unavoidable but also necessary and, I will go so far as to say; desirable. Pain is a driving force. Suppose we never experienced a moment’s discomfort. Ever. Would we ever learn to walk or communicate? The world has formed itself by crushing and grinding and mutating and pushing and shoving and fighting. Things just get comfortable in one shape and the earth heaves a sigh and swallows up an entire ecosystem. Out pop some new mountain ranges, a few hundred species die, and the world goes on turning like nothing happened. As far as the world is concerned nothing did. All that anguish and suffering and death, and we just have sandy beaches where once there was rock.

What happens then is that life is forced to become stronger, more adaptable, more creative. It is forced to surpass its limitations, or die. It is forced to live intentionally, alertly, fully experiencing. Yes it is forced, but it is lazy and wouldn’t do anything otherwise.

Pain is furthermore a tool of spiritual teaching (a principle known to the self-flagellating Catholics John mentioned) as we learn to rise above it, move through it, and continue accomplishing our objectives in spite of it. It shows us our true power as divine beings when we can continue to work, think, love, in spite of terrible feelings.

The way to overcome pain is to find the center of your being and operate from there. This is a place that pain cannot touch, the place of quiet, steady Will. It is the best place to make decisions from in any case. This may not mitigate the experience of pain, but it will enable you to maintain self control in spite of it.

Physical pain stimulates the release of endorphins which assist in attaining altered mental states. Willingly accepting pain, controlling powerful instinctive reactions in order to do so, makes a firm statement to the psyche. It says, “I am in charge.” It eliminates the use of pain as a weapon or tool of manipulation. If you no longer fear it, if you can control your reaction to it, it cannot be used to control you.

Pain is for evolution, just like love. Love gives us something to run toward, pain gives us something to run from. If we can keep our heads, in pain, in love, if we can hold ourselves steady and think clearly no matter what other forces distract us, we rise above the mechanics of our humanity and become sentient in a new way.  When you have reached a point of tolerance where you are firmly in control, you begin to see the pain for what it really is, which is raw energy and power.  You can transform it. You can ride it, like a surfer on the ocean, instead of being swept away and drowned in it.

Or you can ride it like this:    

What I really want to say to some people is “Everybody please stop being such wimps, crying your frailty to an uncaring world and expecting the world to change! It will not change because you cry. It will not change because you are frail. In your cringing fear you debilitate yourselves far more effectively than ever pain could. So pick up your heads, assert the authority of the Self and get past it, or be slaves forever!”

Its not easy, but if more people did it it would be a saner world I say. I am not trying to say that we should pursue painful activities (except the really fun ones but thats a whole other post) or abusive relationships in order to learn either. Sometimes the message of pain really is “Get out of this NOW!”

But only that we accept that we will frequently experience these things, and the part we have a choice about is our own response. I have spoken as much of fear than as pain, but pain is at the root of fear, and fear causes a great deal of pain. Life is a process of learning self control. Pain is an excellent teacher. But it is not the only one.

Now I think Rita will be mad at me again, tearing her hair and yelling, “That is what I keep trying to tell you!”  So it is, but for some extremely resonant differences in focus. Truth be known I wrote all this 5 years ago and somewhere along the way I got lazy and succumbed to the shameful habits I mentioned in the beginning of this post. I got badly hurt and let it drive me away from what I loved most. Sometimes you have to let this happen, if only to return with renewed strength.

The fact is, Rita is right about me. I contradict myself often. I have posted a lot of stuff here that I wrote 5 years ago and it never fails to remind me how I have changed since that time when my ideals seemed so much clearer than they are now. That is another thing pain can do. It can make you forget things. This is why mastery of pain (as opposed to submission to pain) is so important to me.

This blog really is helping me find that clarity again. Once again I am grateful to have this space. Thanks you guys.

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~ by idnami on March 10, 2009.